Uncle Rollie

Last Tues, Jan 3rd, My Dad's brother, my Uncle Rollin unexpectedly passed away. I still can't believe it happened, and especially the day after we returned home from my Grammy's funeral in St George. I have been very emotional as of late. I feel drained and yet so thankful. I also feel overwhemed and guilty. I think of my young cousins and ask why I'm so lucky to get to have my dad, and have him able to come to my wedding and see my kids and keep making memories with him. I know and understand this is part of life and what we agreed to. I look at them and how strong they are and how they deal with this, and I don't know how they can. I made all these new year's resolutions, and now not one of them matters, except to be better, and to make more of an effort to show my loved ones that I love them and to spend as much time as possible with them. Hearing how everyone says they remember my Uncle, is so humbling to me. Everyone said how kind and nonjudgemental he is, and what a hard worker, and thoughtful man he is. How he's so charitable. I now have these goals, and to hopefully have people remember me this way too. I have the type of personality where sometimes I feel like I need to let people know what I think, if I feel they are wrong. I also don't let people walk all over me. I know that sometimes I can be mean and I do things that I end up wishing that I didn't. I am judgemental. I now want to change these things about myself. I want to have more empathy for people and their way of doing things. I want to have more grace. I want to do more things for others, because I know I am very self involved. I want to not feel the need to be competitive with wants and needs. This has also made me feel so fortunate to have everything I have, and really family is what is most important. These are all of my dad's siblings. These are some of my cousins

Me and my Grandma Lancaster ( notice, she is rockin DC shoes :)

Grandpa Lancaster, Chaz, and me

April, Andrew, Me, Deon, G pa and Gma Lancaster

I never thought the new year would start out this way. But though it has been hard and rigid, I'm glad it's made me have a better attitude and admiration for life!